I haven't been this sober since birth.
false alarm. still invincible.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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