sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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