Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
