Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
someone threw a dead crab at me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Panties = found
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
