It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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