plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it because I queefed?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
