I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
