In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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