Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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