I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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