Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
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How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter