I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
