Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
