you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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