Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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