Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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