I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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