The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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