Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
