I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.