Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol