Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Randomize
Follow @tfln