I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.