I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.