Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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