Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.