I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.