I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.