You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.