I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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