Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.