i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.