no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
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Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?