If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.