You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just want to make out with him forever
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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