This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
