Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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