I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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