I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
