soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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