did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
