I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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