I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
