I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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