I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
either way he was missing a nipple.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
