I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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