Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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