Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
