WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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