I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize