I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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