Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in