i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion