were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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