we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
