I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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