Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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