There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
