no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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