Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
