Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
