We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Life is so much better after having sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
